{"id":164052,"date":"2022-11-04T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-04T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/?p=164052"},"modified":"2022-11-04T05:41:20","modified_gmt":"2022-11-04T05:41:20","slug":"the-patriarchy-if-only-i-could-find-it-then-i-could-oppress-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/2022\/11\/04\/the-patriarchy-if-only-i-could-find-it-then-i-could-oppress-women\/","title":{"rendered":"The Patriarchy – if only I could find it then I could oppress women."},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By Raymond Cuttill<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

“The Patriarchy is truly dying,” says Mike the Therapist in a Tweet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\nhttps:\/\/twitter.com\/sacwriter\/status\/1583096895471165440\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

My problem is, I can\u2019t find it. I keep asking feminists for a phone number for it, but they never reply. The thing is, I don\u2019t seem to remember ever oppressing women or even wanting to, but I keep getting told I have. I\u2019m part of the Patriarchy, apparently. I would have thought I would know. Apparently, I can get women to do what I want. I\u2019m 70. I was a young man in the 1960s\/70s. So if I could get women to do what I want that means I\u2019ve been dating Raquel Welch, voluptuous star of \u201cOne Million Years B.C. (1966)\u201d and \u201cFantastic Voyage (1966)\u201d, since the 1960s and we\u2019re very happy together. Now, in reality Raquel Welch has never heard of me and even some of the girls I went to school with turned me down. So, what I\u2019d like to do is talk about the Patriarchy and the relationship between men and women as I see it and then later come to some of the specific points from Mike the Therapist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I went out in the 1960s with a woman you bought two of everything. If we wanted coffee you bought two coffees. Dinner – you bought two dinners. Dances – you bought two dance tickets. She was never expected to pay a penny for anything. Sometimes when you arranged a date she stood you up. At least once I went to a dance with someone and paid for our tickets. Once inside she \u2018spotted some friends\u2019 and I never saw her again all night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You hoped to get more dates and that would maybe lead to kissing and cuddling. That didn\u2019t necessarily lead to sex. Things were changing around then. The pill was starting to come in. However, most were still getting married.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a young man I was unclear on how to get girls and what they wanted. My friend and I decided it was a case of numbers. If we\u2019d asked one girl in the street if she wanted coffee and she didn\u2019t perhaps we should ask ten girls. It turns out if you ask ten girls if they wanted coffee none of them had to say yes. I didn\u2019t understand then that they had criteria which we were failing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Around this time a young woman I knew decided not to wear a bra under her T shirt. This was a bold move in those days. It was clear it wasn\u2019t for my or anyone else\u2019s benefit. She was getting ready for a date with her boyfriend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So as you can see I\u2019ve never lived in a world where women didn\u2019t have agency. I\u2019ve seen a woman who claimed to want a family with someone but later and later really meant never and the relationship, which was clearly on a false foundation, ended when she ran out of excuses. Back in the 60s somebody ran some paternity tests and found that by blood type at least 10%, possibly as high as 30%, of children were not conceived by the supposed father. I just saw a YouTube video about someone who\u2019d been married, happily he thought, for 33 years. He had two daughters and one son. One day they did a DNA test to look at their ancestry. Turns out the two daughters weren\u2019t his.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It shouldn\u2019t be necessary to say this but before I go any further I would like to point out that at no point have I said that men are angels and never lie or cheat. If I say dogs have tails I have not said that cats don\u2019t have tails. I haven\u2019t even mentioned cats. There\u2019s no need to mention men because there are women all over the media pointing out anything they don\u2019t like about men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So where does all this come from? Well, I\u2019m interested in Psychology and have been for 40 years, and I\u2019m particularly interested in Evolutionary Psychology that looks at why we are the way we are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We seem to have arrived here because as a species we are weak. We are weaker than chimpanzees, our nearest evolutionary relative. I know of no-one, apart from Tarzan in old movies, who could, unarmed and single-handedly, fight a lion. The solution to that is to group into large numbers. We can spot and raise the alarm or even fight as a group if needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a number called Dunbar\u2019s Number from a British anthropologist. He suggests, although some dispute it, that around 150 is the right number for a tribe, and in order to maintain social relationships with all those people we need a large brain. At some point we seem to have separated the hunters and gatherers; the hunters being men and the gatherers being women. This world work quite well if you have a stable village to work out of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This seems to leave women with a problem. If the men bring back a kill they might favor the prettiest women when handing out the meat. They might also only protect the prettiest women when threatened. The solution to this is monogamy. This assures the man that the children his partner has are his. She might be ready to die for her children and he might too, but not if there\u2019s doubts that they\u2019re his.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Essentially, this is a deal and all deals can be broken. Either can cheat. Either can take a chance that they won\u2019t be found out. For the woman, she can have sex with someone she thinks is better than her husband. If she gets away with it, she still gets help from the husband, but there\u2019s a chance she\u2019ll lose his support if she doesn’t, and that could be catastrophic. Hence some people cheat and some people don\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women still want support. There was a woman on TikTok recently celebrating her new boyfriend because \u201che buys me anything I want\u201d. Alimony still exists, and in some cases she can ask for more for no other reason than she used to live with him. There have been cases where she spent her half of the divorce settlement and then says she needs more alimony, as if women are still dependent on men whenever it suits them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact it\u2019s safe to say that by promising the man she\u2019ll have his kids, she effectively creates the Patriarchy, a situation in which the man, chosen by her, has to look after her. Now this does give him power, but only in ways that suit her. Whenever it suits her she may cheat or leave him. In fact, it\u2019s impossible to see the human race as the success it is without women\u2019s choice being involved throughout. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is a success at 8 Billion. Success, of course, brings other problems. I wonder if there was 8 billion tigers and 3000 humans, would the tigers not eat the last 3000 humans?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

All females of all species choose the best mate they can, and that includes women. They demand more of males, and then choose the best of them. The stronger or faster or cleverer men were chosen by women, and so had children. The weaker, slower, stupider ones did not. Generally that means we get a better species. Given our rather weak position in the outside world we had to do that. It is inconceivable that we would have got here without women choosing the best men and men striving to meet their demands. Women remain drivers of the human race, even if it\u2019s back seat drivers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now let\u2019s look at Mike the Therapists Tweets –<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Patriarchy is truly dying. It really is.<\/em>
<\/em>It is more noticeable in some circles. In others, it is still glowing with dying embers.<\/em>
<\/em>Here is where I as a therapist see it all the time. With men under 40.<\/em>
<\/em>They are whining and scratching their heads to figure out why women won\u2019t date them, have sex with them, or marry them. In social media meetings, they claim it is unfair. Their fathers, older brothers, uncles, grandfathers didn\u2019t have to do much and women did their bidding.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d say women still want to date, have sex and even get married at times. As for \u201cwomen doing their bidding\u201d I don\u2019t see that happening unless she wants to please him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThose days have been over for a decade. Here is the new reality.<\/em>
<\/em>Women do not owe men anything. Nothing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It depends. We\u2019ve built lots and invented lots so maybe a thank you would be good. Conversely, this also means men don\u2019t owe women anything. Women, however, have not stopped asking for things, even when now, they could get them for themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c2: Even if you\u2019re nice to them, shower them with kindness, buy them gifts, speak softly and tenderly, they do not have to do what you want.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Women still complain if he doesn\u2019t pay for dinner. No one has to do what anyone wants but it\u2019s a reasonable expectation that a relationship is a two-way exchange of love and support. Perhaps it\u2019s about time women showered men with kindness and gifts.\ufeff<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTreating someone nice is the bare minimum we should do for every human.<\/em>
<\/em>3. Women never have to have sex with you. Ever. Not if you buy them dinner. Not if you date them for two months and not yell at them. Not even if you marry them. You have no right to sex. Ever.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Treating someone nice is the bare minimum whether men or women. Perhaps you should tell women that. You may not have a right to sex but again, it\u2019s a reasonable expectation if you\u2019re in a relationship. Honesty would be nice too, but there are liars on both sides.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c4. Women are allowed to remain single and never have men in their lives.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

MGTOW are doing the same to women but it does seem women mostly want men in their lives. The fact that MGTOW is called misogynistic is a testament to women\u2019s expectations. Some don\u2019t like it if men turn them down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c5. Women can sniff out someone who is being nice to them to get something they want. They won\u2019t put up with disingenuous friendships with men any longer.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a pity more men can\u2019t do the same to women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis attitude that says \u201cHey, I tried being nice and you still won\u2019t date me\u201d doesn\u2019t work any more.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is the gap between women\u2019s claims and the reality. Women say \u201cI want someone kind and someone who listens,\u201d but then the \u2018Nazi gorilla on a motorbike\u2019 turns up and she\u2019s off with him because the kind guy somehow doesn\u2019t \u2018do it for her.\u2019 Women don\u2019t seem to know what they want, and it does confuse men.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201c6. Women are humans, equal in all ways to men. They work harder at being humans than most men. From now on, they expect men to work just as hard at being decent human.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEqual in all ways\u201d is a bit of a joke. Equal rights are fine but don\u2019t say everybody, men or women, can run the 100M as fast as Usain Bolt. Women need to work harder as being \u201chumans\u201d because some seem totally happy with a hostile attitude to men, which men do not deserve. Men are being quite patient with women, but some have given up on finding a reasonable women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for Mike being a therapist, I cannot see this judgmental attitude as being good. For someone who\u2019s supposed to have empathy, it sounds like he\u2019s a little short. I\u2019d be surprised if this attitude doesn\u2019t bleed through, not just to men, but to all clients. He\u2019d probably claim otherwise, but I would wonder if he\u2019s actually short on clients.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll finish this off by saying I am a men\u2019s rights activist who finds the addresses of conferences and talks have to be hidden to the last minute. I can barely talk about International Men\u2019s Day without someone attacking it. Many, both online and offline, claim men don\u2019t need rights or have sufficient because this imaginary Patriarchy is busy oppressing women. Ever since I read in a Feminist book that it \u201cmight be an idea\u201d that boys were sexually abused to take them down a peg or two, I\u2019ve tried to point out that these Feminist ideas have nothing to do with helping women and a lot to do with hating men. We haven\u2019t had it for 50 years, but one day we may have a real conversation between and about the sexes\u2026 but I doubt Mike the Therapist is capable of that.<\/p>\n\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>by <\/span>\"feather\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Can you kill what only exists in your imagination?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":162169,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"libsyn-item-id":0,"libsyn-show-id":0,"libsyn-post-error":"","libsyn-post-error_post-type":"","libsyn-post-error_post-permissions":"true","libsyn-post-error_api":"","playlist-podcast-url":"","libsyn-episode-thumbnail":"","libsyn-episode-widescreen_image":"","libsyn-episode-blog_image":"","libsyn-episode-background_image":"","libsyn-post-episode-category-selection":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_thumbnail":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_theme":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_height":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_width":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_placement":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_download_link":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_download_link_text":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_custom_color":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-explicit":"","libsyn-post-episode":"","libsyn-post-episode-update-id3":"","libsyn-post-episode-release-date":"","libsyn-post-episode-simple-download":"","libsyn-release-date":"","libsyn-post-update-release-date":"","libsyn-is_draft":"","libsyn-new-media-media":"","libsyn-post-episode-subtitle":"","libsyn-new-media-image":"","libsyn-post-episode-keywords":"","libsyn-post-itunes":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-number":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-season-number":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-type":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-title":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-author":"","libsyn-destination-releases":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data":"[]","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data-enabled":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data-input-enabled":false,"libsyn-post-episode-premium_state":"","libsyn-episode-shortcode":"","libsyn-episode-embedurl":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[11,584,772],"tags":[1070,263,179,95,777,780,834,977],"coauthors":[1821],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164052"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=164052"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164052\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":164055,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164052\/revisions\/164055"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/162169"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=164052"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=164052"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=164052"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.honeybadgerbrigade.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=164052"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}