MISANDRY – Men and children, again


Men keep reporting all kinds of bigoted women confronting them in public when they are around children, even their own.

I’ll quote the first incident in full, because it hits a lot of points and it can’t really be excerpted:

“I’m a child free kind of guy. I don’t want kids and I’m quite glad that my being gay means I cannot accidentally have kids and I’d have to plan ahead if indeed I wanted to bring children into my life. That being said, kids are often amusing.
I’ve been really depressed the past couple of years, and the past couple weeks have put a pressure upon me that is nearly unbearable.
I went for a stroll at around 730pm. The sun was dipping low and there was a mom, a dad, a little boy of about 6 and a little girl in a stroller. As I stopped to cross the road, I turned off my music and put my headphones away.
The little boy plopped on the grass and made a hilariously exasperated sigh. The dad asked what was wrong and the little boy sighed again and said in a tone usually reserved for divorcing middle aged men, “Life.”
Me being quite saddened, I was prone to being susceptible to stronger emotions. I laughed aloud, and looked at the kid, saying “Aww.”
Mom went apeshit.
“Uh, excuse me but who the hell do you think you are looking at my kid?” I was puzzled at such a response and only got “uh” out of my mouth before being verbally attacked again.
“Are you some sort of sex offender? You’re not exactly handsome so I guess you’d only get someone unwilling and I’m guessing g you’re a faggot with looking at my son.”The light turned and she stormed off. Her husband didn’t say anything but he didn’t have anything to say either.
I ended up sitting on the grass for a half an hour trying to gather myself. My mother died recently and I was blamed for her death so I’m fairly unnerved when it comes to my emotions and I was hoping for a cleansing walk, not to be brutally attacked for finding the action of a toddler cute. Christ.

Quick synopsis:
1. A woman accuses a man of pedophilia, in public.
2. This verbal assault leaves him shaken for half an hour.
3. He does not defend himself in any way.
4. The woman’s husband also fails to restrain his wife’s assault on the man.

Notice the young man’s reaction: he does not defend himslef from this attack in any way, even though it was severe enough to leave him shaken for some time afterward. That reflects social conditioning. Is the sexism systemic and institutional enough for you now?

In the second incident a 20 year old man was taking his 5 year old sister to Six Flags. A strange woman walks up, kneels down, and starts interrogating the girl as to where her daddy is. Then she presumes to start peppering the young man with questions. He fends her off and she stomps off with a glare. He reports he just froze up.

Quick synopsis:
1. A woman approaches a child and ignores the accompanying adult.
2. The woman interrogates the child without permission.
3. The young man tells the woman to leave and she finally does. He takes no further action.
4. The woman’s own explanation is that she saw a man and a child and assumed the worst.

Notice the young man’s reaction: he froze up. That reflects social conditioning. Is the sexism systemic and institutional enough for you now?

Here’s a piece gets to the heart of the problem. Notice how thoroughly Natalie gets it, although she feels she has to backtrack and blow it on the last line. Well, take the good and leave the bad; she’s not completely useless.

And here’s an incident a woman witnessed that left her gaping at the bigotry expressed. Good for her. (Note her language a little further on.)
An excerpt:

So there’s this guy playing with his baby … kid’s not even old enough to crawl, but he’s grabbin’ onto the fence on the outside of the dog park enclosure and standing on his own that way.
Totally and completely adorable, that kid … and so was his happy-ass dad. Gorgeous.
So this woman (in her 50s, I’d wager) … takes it upon herself to go stand on the other side of the fence and commence to “careful … careful!” the hell outta the innocuous “situation.”
The guy picks the kid up and holds him upright by his meaty thighs … baby is smiling and doing that thing where they gnaw on their fists and make weird, happy sounds.
And the lady starts freakin’ out!
The dad (still smiling) obliges her and says, “He’s fiiiiiiiine” in such a soothing, placating voice.
The lady turns to everyone watching and goes, “Oh LORD, it’s a good thing the mother isn’t here!” … and walks the fuck away.
Dad just stands there, holding his happy kid and watches her leave.
I couldn’t fucking BELIEVE what I just saw.”

One last one, lest you think this is only misandry and is only directed at men…. Last night the kids were over with my six-month old grandson. My daughter-in-law was saying how obnoxious it is to be out with him and to have random women come up and start babbling all kinds of advice and then start in on how their kid this and their kid that and finally she ended with this “Yeah, okay, I get that you breed. Now get the fuck away from me!” My daughter-in-law blends candor with an unerring instinct for the exactly appropriate tone to couch her remarks in, one more reason we love her.

You know how sometimes when you are on the street, some random dog will come around and try to sniff you up? You know how sometimes random strangers will reach over and pat a pregnant women’s belly approvingly with a smile? They in are in the same class – no boundaries, no manners, no sense of anyone else’s dignity.

In summary – I think there are several things going one here. One is the standard misandry of assuming men are sexual monsters and that children aren’t safe around us. Then there is the female chauvinist trope that women are natural nurturers and natural experts on children. The final thing is that women are rebelling against this, both EvaSylvstere, the redditor who submitted that third incident, and also my daughter-in-law, are getting fed up too.

Jim Doyle
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Jim Doyle

<span class="dsq-postid" data-dsqidentifier="2989 http://www.genderratic.com/?p=2343">5 comments</span>

  • Yes, I can relate to some of these. I remember when my daughter was about 3 and we were out with some other mom’s and their kids. I remarked about showering with my daughter and one of the mother’s looks at me and says accusingly, “you shower with your daughter?”, I remarked back, “Do you think if I was a pedophile I would tell you that I shower with my kid”? Lol, silence.

  • A little off topic, but the “50 Shades” bit reminded me of a little incident that happened to me last summer:

    I was in New York City visiting a friend. I had just spent several hours wandering around Manhattan while he was at work and had brought my copy of Warren Farrell’s “The Myth of Male Power” to read when I stopped for refreshments. As we were on the subway later that night, a woman saw the cover of the book and said, with a disapproving sneer, “The myth of male power? Good luck with that bullshit!” My friend immediately pointed at her and yelled “Ha ha! You just judged a book by its cover!” She made with the stink-eye but everyone within earshot was laughing at her so she just stomped off to the other end of the car.

  • @Ajax: Oh that’s perfect!! 😀

    Yeah, just thinking about incident one. It’s bad for the walker, worse for the father, but it has to be the worst for the kid. Imagine growing up with a mother like that?

  • Welcome, Peter! Very good to see you over here.

    “She made with the stink-eye but everyone within earshot was laughing at her so she just stomped off to the other end of the car.”

    I love it when gravity does most of the work. That was actually activism you were doing there.

  • so far, I’ve been lucky. since my daughter looks like me, no one has ever pointed the finger and accused me of anything. however, my daughter is half black/half latina so some people will always assume that my daughter’s mother is the nanny and not the mother. Those making the assumptions are usually hispanic women.

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